The President addresses the troops: 'I'm sorry, guys, but we have to invade Iraq again.'
'I mean,' he explains, 'that some of these guys whom we helped put in power are now saying we ought to leave one day soon. We can't have that! When John McCain, a great American, says we might stay a hundred years, he means a hundred years. We've had troops in Germany and Japan and South Korea for more than fifty years, and they're all doing okay. Maybe if I sent that nice Angie Merkel to Baghdad, she could explain how it works.
'I mean, that Obama fellow is going around talking about leaving in sixteen months, and now he's got that al-Maliki guy and his crowd saying the same thing. Out-by-God-rageous! I mean, I've okayed a 'time horizon' for withdrawing. And when I looked 'horizon' up in my dictionary, it said, 'the apparent junction of earth and sky.' Well, you never really get there, do you? I mean, they just don't meet. Earth's down here, sky's up there, right?
'It's true, the situation in Afghanistan is getting worse, and we need more troops there. But we shouldn't take them away from Iraq; we should just bring back the draft. What's wrong with that? Plenty of troops then, no question about it!
'You say a lot of Americans want to withdraw? So what? I can't run for another term anyway. We're certainly not going to let a bunch of pollsters tell us how to run the country. Some of them are as bad as that Obama--secret Muslims for all we know, right?
'The hell with the critics. We're gonna stay the course! After all, we've got almost six months left!'
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